24. "Sgetting (cruise missiles) more accurate so that we can have precise precision."
23. About Salvadoran officials: "We expect them to work toward the elimination of human rights."
22. "Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a Mother and child."
21. "I want to be Robin to Bush's Batman."
20. To American Samoans: "You all look like happy campers to me. Happy campers you are, happy campers you have been, and as far as I'm concerned, happy campers you will always be."
19. "El Salvador is a democracy so it's not surprising that there are so many voices to be heard here. Yet in my conversations with Salvadorans, I have heard a single voice."
18. "I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy but that could change."
17. To United Negro College Fund: "What a terrible thing to have lost one's mind. Or not to have a mind at all. How true that is."
16. Phoenix Republican Forum: "If we do not succeed, then we run the risk of failure."
15. LA Times 5/21/89: "The other day (the President) said, I know you've had some rough times, and I want to do something that will show the nation what faith that I have in you, in your maturity and sense of responsibility. (He paused then said), Would you like a puppy?"
14. "We're going to have the best educated American people in the world."
13. To Christian Coalition: "My friends, no matter how rough the road may be, we can and we will, never, never surrender to what is right."
12. "I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future."
11. "I was known as the chief grave robber in my state."
10. "I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."
9. "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
8. "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
7. "Bank failures are caused by depositors who don't deposit enough money to cover losses due to mismanagement."
6. "For NASA, space is still a high priority."
5. "We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
4. About breast cancer: "Speaking as a man, it's not a woman's issue. Us men are tired of losing our women."
3. "I deserve respect for the things I did not do."
2. At Fresno State: "This President is going to lead us out of this recovery."
1. "Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases revenue enhancement. Not so. No one was fooled."
24. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
23. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
22. During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
21. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
20. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
19. If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.
18. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
17. Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
16. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.
15. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of Wembley Stadium.
14. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
13. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
12. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
11. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
10. Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
9. An electric fence powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.
8. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
7. It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
6. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
5. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
4. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
3. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war - unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
2. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
1. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade -- at any time of the year.
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