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Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.

You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Never judge a book by it's movie.

If you can't annoy somebody, there's little point in writing.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

Education is what you get from reading the fine print. Experience is what you get from not reading it.

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

For people who like peace and quiet - a phoneless cord.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

There are two kinds of pedestrians--the quick and the dead.

Some people are going to leave a mark on this world, while others will leave a stain.

Don't be so humble, you're not that great.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away, and you have their shoes too.

The early bird gets the worm, but the early worm gets eaten.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

Never wrestle with a pig: You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it.

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

.. Good job! You found the hidden text of the funny and humorous Brain of Brian which has jokes I think you'll enjoy. Let's see how many times I can say Jokes in a sentence...The Joking Joker picked the Joker from the deck while telling Jokes. See Jokes. See Jokes run. Run Jokes, run. Jokes, Jokes, and more Jokes! Well, I could go on about Jokes but then you might get bored of Jokes. So, I'll never say "Jokes" again. Just Joking! useless facts sienfeld seinfeld lists jokes gags humor games quotes funny comical sienfeld lists jokes gags humor lists jokes gags humor games quotes funny comical sienfeld lists jokes gags humor games