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Comical Quotes

Dan Quayle

"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago."

"If we do not succeed, we run the risk of failure."

"She was attracted to me by my intellectual curiosity."

"I did not know in 1969 that I would be in this room today, I'll confess." -- Senator Dan Quayle responding to questions in 1988 about allegations that he used family connections to get into the Indiana National Guard.

"We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made."

"I've been told to keep my remarks relatively brief. I understand Quayle-hunting season begins at noon."

"The [Democrats] talked about putting people first. Well, they put people first unless you happen to be a spotted owl or a giant garter snake or some other endangered species and then that seems to have priority. Obviously, you take the bald eagle and things of that sort, of course you're going to make sure that they are saved and that they can live and you're going to take every precaution that you can. But others -- we just need a little flexibility."

"Unfortunately, the people of Louisiana are not racists."

"If you give a person a fish, they'll fish for a day. But if you train a person to fish, they'll fish for a lifetime."

"I'm not going to focus on what I have done in the past what I stand for, what I articulate to the American people. The American people will judge me on what I am saying and what I have done in the last 12 years in the Congress."

"I happen to be a Republican president -- ah, the vice president."

"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."

"I want to be Robin to Bush's Batman."

Certainly, I know what to do, and when I am Vice President -- and I will be -- there will be contingency plans under different sets of situations. And I tell you what, I'm not going to go out and hold a news conference about it. I'm going to put it in a safe and keep it there! Does that answer your question?" -- Senator Dan Quayle, when asked what he would do if he assumed the Presidency.

"I had not had that question before." -- Senator Dan Quayle explaining why, during the Bentsen debate, he couldn't say what he would do if he suddenly became president.

"Want to hear a sad story about the Dukakis campaign? The governor of Massachusetts, he lost his top naval advisor last week. His rubber ducky drowned in the bathtub."

"I'm going to be a vice president very much like George Bush was. He proved to be a very effective vice president, perhaps the most effective we've had in a couple of hundred years."

"I hope there's some respect and dignity for things I did not do."

"Let me say it one more time. It is ill-rel-e-vant." -- Senator Dan Quayle testily responding to repeated questions about his parents' involvement in the John Birch Society.

"Because. Because I say it isn't." -- Senator Dan Quayle explaining why questions about his parents' ties to the John Birch Society aren't relevant.

"That's solid. There, you see how much I learned." -- Vice President Dan Quayle when visiting a welding class at a vocational school in Union, Missouri. He welded two scraps of metal together to demonstrate how much he had learned while in the National Guard.

"Add one little bit on the end... Think of `potatoe', how's it spelled? You're right phonetically, but what else? There ya go... all right!" -- Vice President Dan Quayle correcting a student's correct spelling of the word `potato' during a spelling bee at an elementary school in Trenton.

"Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things."

"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."

"I should have caught the mistake on that spelling bee card. But as Mark Twain once said, `You should never trust a man who has only one way to spell a word'." -- Vice President Dan Quayle, actually quoting from President Andrew Jackson.

"I should have remembered that was Andrew Jackson who said that, since he got his nickname `Stonewall' by vetoing bills passed by Congress." -- Vice President Dan Quayle, confusing Andrew Jackson with Confederate General Thomas J. `Stonewall' Jackson, who actually got his nickname at the first Battle of Bull Run.

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