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Page 4
Top 20 Completely Useless Inventions
Top 20 Church Bulletin Mistakes
Top 20 Funniest Newspaper Classifieds




Top 20
Completely Useless Inventions

20. Non stick Cellotape

19. Solar Powered Flash Light (torch)

18. A black highlighter pen

17. Glow in the dark sunglasses

16. Inflatable Anchor

15. Smooth Sandpaper

14. Waterproof sponge

13. Waterproof Teabags

12. AC adapter for Solar powered calculators

11. Fireproof Matches

10. Fireproof Cigarettes

9. Battery powered Battery Charger

8. Seatbelts for Motorbikes

7. Hand powered Chainsaw

6. Inflatable Dartboard

5. Silent Alarm Clock

4. A Pedal powered wheelchair

3. Braille Drivers Manual

2. Double sided playing cards

1. Ejector seats for Helicopters

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Top 20
Church Bulletin Mistakes

20. The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in

19. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

18. The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's "Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

17. Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

16. Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

15. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

14. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.

13. bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

12. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

11. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

10. The preacher will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth With Joy."

9. During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit.

8. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

7. The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service, we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.

6. Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his private study.

5. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

4. The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.

3. Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.

2. Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor.

1. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.

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Top 20 Funniest
Newspaper Classifieds

(Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers)

20. Stock up and save. Limit: one.

19. Illiterate? Write today for free help.

18. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

17. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.

16. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.

15. Great Dames for sale.

14. Wanted. Widower with school age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

13. Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.

12. Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

11. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.

10. Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.

9. Man, honest. Will take anything.

8. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

7. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

6. Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating

5. For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

4. Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it.

3. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

2. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

1. Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops!

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.. Good job! You found the hidden text of the funny and humorous Brain of Brian which has jokes I think you'll enjoy. Let's see how many times I can say Jokes in a sentence...The Joking Joker picked the Joker from the deck while telling Jokes. See Jokes. See Jokes run. Run Jokes, run. Jokes, Jokes, and more Jokes! Well, I could go on about Jokes but then you might get bored of Jokes. So, I'll never say "Jokes" again. Just Joking! useless facts sienfeld seinfeld lists jokes gags humor games quotes funny comical sienfeld lists jokes gags humor lists jokes gags humor games quotes funny comical sienfeld lists jokes gags humor games

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